Hillary Clinton is considering a running mate who could make a direct appeal to non-supporters of herself, bridging an intellectual and political divide, according to two and a half people close to the campaign.
Clinton’s chief requirements include a candidate’s ability to concentrate on mundane matters and to avoid any subjects of substance like jobs and the economy. The campaign’s vetting also prioritizes catering to social media over someone with credibility as she seeks to further alienate voters knowing full well she has the nomination sewn up.
The Clinton campaign declined to comment on the story.
“I don’t think she’s going to pick anybody who has any intelligence or real stature,” said Naylon Skarum, who has served as a senior restroom aide to Democratic presidential candidates Al Gore and John Kerry. “She definitely doesn’t want to be overshadowed by any one of substance.”
Many names are being floated.
— Rachel Dolezal: the recently ethnically confused NAACP leader. “I think she would fit in well with Hillary and her voters. Being confused and a chronic liar about who she is could play quite well with Hillary’s constituents.” Skarum said.
— Shaun King: the founder of the Black Lives Matter movement. “He is like a Hillary clone. Confused about his ethnic roots, always correct regardless of topic, and he enjoys using others’ mone
y for his own gains.” Skarum noted. “He would make a formidable partner for Hillary whose name isn’t Bill. Of course, I’d hate to see the White House after the two of them are done looting it!”
— Caitlyn Jenner: former Olympic medalist, reality television star, all-around stooge. “Caitlyn would be a great, controversial pick. The press would concentrate solely on her leaving the President to do wh
atever she pleases. An added bonus will be when s/he finally tires of the charade of Caitlyn and he reverts back to being Bruce. The resulting press storm will be outrageous!”
Tina Fey: actress,writer, overrated darling of the Liberals. “With the public starting to realize that Tina is less than a one-trick pony being Vice President would present her with a tremendous amount of opportunities to make fun of Republican women. After all, it’s always much more politically correct to have another woman be crudely rude and demeaning to another woman. Tina could reprise her Sarah Palin imitation and essentially extend her career. This also affords Hillary the ability to consistently pull the ‘woman’ card twice, similar to how her predecessor kept pulling out his half card when criticisms hit too close to home.”
Mitch Kumbaya, who oversaw Al Gore’s packing after the 2000 election commented on the strength of the names mentioned. “While Rachel, Tina, and Shaun are great choices, the one with the most impact would clearly be Caitlyn. The internet would break with the possibility of the Kardashian girls soiling the White House. It would probably be the closest the White House would be to becoming a Bordello since Bill sat in the Oval Office. It should be fun!”
Representatives for Hillary Clinton and Caitlyn Jenner were unavailable at press time for inclusion to this article.
